Men are simple creatures.

Jeff Foxworthy summed it up pretty good....

"Men aren't complicated, you ask us what we want and its simple.."id like a beer and i'd like to see something nekked"

Well maybe not that simple, but you get the idea. Actually that was a pretty accurate representation of me until about age 29. :)

My point is, we are not mind readers. Ladies, I know you want us to be but it's not happening. You also usually know what you get with us pretty early in the relationship.

I was taken to task privately and in cyberspace about Thanksgiving Day. My dear wife wanted me to take pictures of the family throughout the day. At the time, I was doing what most Texan born males do on that day, watch football. Been doing it for as long as I can remember. My wife hands me our digital camera and says "here." That's it. Nothing else. Not "please take pictures" or "I have been taking pictures, its your turn" just "here." So she handed me the camera and I put it on the table next to me. I figured she was tired of carrying it around. Since nothing but "here" was said to me, I had no reason to think otherwise. At the end of the day, I have the camera and she asks "did you get any good pictures?" I was a little stunned because I had not and was not aware I was to. I don't mind but I didn't know to. So wifey is miffed at me.

Folks, if you want something done, say so. Don't play this "well you should have known" card. How am I supposed to interpret "here" with "take pictures". I'm not stupid, as people would have you believe but I am also not a mind reader. "honey, could you please take pictures" is not difficult to say.

Also, don't attack me because I watch football. I happen to enjoy it and see nothing wrong with it. I don't think its a sin to relax and watch a game after a long work week. My dear wife knows this and has known so as long as we have been together. And I have never, repeat, NEVER slighted, ignored or dismissed her on account of watching a game. In fact, I have watched less and less sports the over the last few years to show that I care more about my wife than Tony Romo or Tim Duncan.

I know I am not perfect. I have my flaws as we all do, but I don't drink or do drugs, I have never cheat on or beat on my spouse and I love her more than everything else in the universe combined. I just feel I had to say something here.

In a funk...

I have been in kinda a funk all day and could not figure out why. Then I saw the date. Three years ago today, my friend Shawn died from cancer. Shawn was 36 years old and left behind 3 kids and a wife. I was friends with him for 25 years and his death is still hard on me. I hear a lot about "oh well he is in a better place" and such. I know people mean well so with all do respect I say....

Bullshit.

The man's place is with his family period. I never bought the whole "better place" thing or any of the other niceties people like to use to try and make you feel better.

You want to make me feel better? Turn back time and find a cure, otherwise save the sentiment for your pet.


Shawn, hopefully you have the internet in heaven......miss ya bro.

Customer service funnys and other random thoughts.

I came up with this theory:

No matter what a person's chosen profession and no matter how good he or she is in that profession, when someone becomes a consumer, their IQ drops an average of 30 points. Examples:

Me: "Its a great day at the Fairfield Inn Okemos, this is Mike, how may I help you?"
Them: "Is this the Fairfield Inn?"

Me: 'Its a great day at the Fairfield Inn Okemos, this is Mike, how may I help you?"
Them: "Is this..(insert name of any place not named Fairfield Inn here)"

Me: "Pizza Hut Delivery, this is Mike, how may I help you?"
Them" Do you deliver?"

Repeating the price of a room 6 times doesn't make the price go down.

My all time favorite:
Me:"Ok sir, thank you for holding, I found a 15-foot truck to rent that should be perfect for you."
Them: "Great, how long is that?"
I couldn't resist...
Me: "I'm guessing about 15 feet or so...give or take"

Oh and when I say the best rate is this...that is what it is. Unless you have a negotiated rate that you haven't told me about. Contrary to popular belief, I don't know that you qualify for the Sparrow Hospital rate if you don't tell me that you work for Sparrow Hospital. Asking me if there is a lower rate doesn't change things....neither does asking me "are you sure?" :) Yeah, I am pretty sure.

Do you really need 6 towels if its just you?

random thoughts:

Where do people come up with the idea they they do not have to follow rules? Sadly its becoming an all to familiar human trait. The idea that because I am who I am I do not have to follow this rule or that rule. For example:

Check in time at my hotel is any time after 3p. Don't walk in at 11a and say "where's my room?" You can wait like everyone else.

We make cookies for our guests every day...if you missed them, try harder next time. I will not make an extra batch just because you want a snack.

Breakfast is 7a-10a on the weekends, don't bitch about not having cereal at 5:30a.

Also, you are not the only person that eats the breakfast. On weekdays, we have it from 6:30a-9:30a....don't get bent because you show up at 8:30a and there is no oatmeal left. Oh and throwing bowls doesn't help. You want breakfast all day, Cracker Barrel is next door bitch.

Republicans....Cranky old guy and Bible Spice lost...get over it. Just go jerk off to those episodes of Sean Hannity you have on DVR and move forward.

The doom and gloom scenarios are hilarious! Everything Obama is the anti-Christ to he is a socialist. Sounds like some of you are a bit cranky because the White House is a little less white. Just a thought.

To be fair though, if the G.O.P had won, there would be a bunch of Democrats doing the same thing. That is another thing about we Americans that is bad, we tend to blast someone for behavior that we ourselves have been or would be guilty of. Oh and before you say "not me"....yes you.

Joe the Plumber...14:56, 14:57, 14:58.....

I love Christmas music....but not before Thanksgiving. With the possible exception of "I believe in Santa Claus" from The Year Without A Santa Claus. I have heard that for 30 plus years and to this day its still makes me tear up. Not 100% sure why but it does.

Grocery Store rant

Oy.

The modern day decendant of the old village market is the Grocery Store. This used to be a small building with food. It had your basics. Bread, milk, fruit, coffee, meat and feminine products. Now they have evolved into these massive mega-lo-marts with everything from Starbucks to a Barber Shop to a bait counter. With this expanse comes more people and with more people come more people who are too stupid to live.

Let me give you some tips:

Staring at a product will NOT make the price change...especially when you are staring at it in the middle of the aisle blocking traffic. I am all for comparing prices but do it not to the detriment of others.

If your reason for using one of those electric scooters is because you are too fat...too bad...the walking will do you good. Hey, I am no one to use as an example of good health but at least I can walk through a store. The 90 year old who just had hip surgery will thank you.

If someone says "excuse me" acknowledge them. This morning, one lady was at the end of the aisle just standing there, another lady said "excuse me" and the first lady just looked at her like "duhhh...."

Also, its a grocery store aisle, not Turn 3 at Daytona, getting through the turn at the fastest possible speed is not neccessary.

Kids...now I love kids but if your little shaver acts up, its your responsibility to take care of it and that does not mean shoving a candy bar in their mouth. Because when you do that and then one day you don't, they are going to scream because they come to expect it.

Wait a minute....I don't have kids so I am not qualified or allowed to say anything about kids or parents!

Bullshit. When it affects me, you damn right I do. The discipline in this country has long been in the toilet and there is no better example then those dumbass parents who let their kids run wild in a store. That is wrong on so many levels. Forget for a moment the rudeness factor, that child could get hurt, hurt someone else or heaven forbid, molested or snatched. All because you wanted to see if they had Season 4 of the West Wing without junior asking for a toy.

Its real easy, say no. If that doesn't work, pop them in the butt and/or leave. Because I do not have to deal with your lousy offspring.

Remember folks, just because you can have kids, doesn't mean you have to.

The day after the day after.

The world reaction to our election is amazing. I know that our elections are always followed on a global basis..being the last superpower will do that...but the whole world, just about, was cheering as much as those folks in Grant Park. The Israelis were a little pissed because they were big fans of W. They shouldn't worry though....the US is still going to have Israel's back but I am sure a lot of them are thinking "his middle name is Hussein? Oy vey!" Kind of like some of our Republican friends. :) Personally I think we help Israel too much, then again, I think we help everyone too much. Yeah I am pretty much an isolationist! Hahahahaha! I really don't give a rat's ass about a lot of the world. I am all for helping others but I would rather see all the money we send overseas stay at home and help our own people. I think its great we set up schools in Iraq but how about fixing our own first. Instead of spending billions chasing ragheads around the desert and getting good kids killed, how about giving decent wages to teachers? Or making our education system the best in the world instead of the the second best in North America?

About last night.....

Last night was one of the most significant in my lifetime. Barack Obama was elected president by a huge margin. Growing up in South Texas there were times that I thought I would never see a black man win the Oval Office. I voted for him not because I am a Democrat, I hold allegiance to no party, but because I felt he was the best man for the job. Don't think that is all noble just yet, I thought the same about Bush in 04 and look where that got us! In a way it was sad that he was running against John McCain. I have immense respect for Sen. McCain and if he would have won the nomination in 2000 I would have voted for him. He survived a POW camp for 5 years, anyone who can do that automatically has my admiration. I think that the specter of W doomed McCain from the start. Choosing Bible Spice for his running mate didn't help either. Palin was in over her head and at the end, let her own ambitions get in the way of her party. If I want to indulge my professional woman blowjob behind the desk fantasies, yes. If I need to send my VP to handle an international crisis...no. Oh, earlier I said black, not African-American. I don't mean it in a derogatory way...I just don't do hyphens. I believe that we are not African-Americans or Hispanic-Americans or Anglo-Americans. I believe that we are all Americans. The quicker we all realize that, the quicker we can have some real unity.

About last night...the squee factor is high. (that was for you Carrie) Its gonna be a good day Tater.

Welcome to my blog.

If anyone comes across this blog, welcome. I don't plan on advertising its existence but if you have found your way here, thanks for stopping by.

Ground Rules:

1. This is mainly a collection of opinions, rants and vents. If you get offended, then you are taking this way too seriously. This is a place where I can express myself and not have to explain why.

2. These are opinions, they are not suggested courses of action. Just because I want to do something does not mean I want you to do the same.

3. It will get profane. I cuss like a fucking sailor. :)

4. You are welcome to stay but no one is keeping you here.

That's about it.